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Psychology Today Articles
Shame is often the
common denominator
in marital disputes
about money.
Here's what you should
look for before making
a commitment.
The grass on the other
side of the fence is...
very familiar
Visit Dr. Betchen's Psychology Today Blog, Magnetic Partners.
Books
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Shop the Books
Couples in Conflict
​​In the first book of its kind, Dr. Stephen J. Betchen teaches established and training marriage and family therapists to recognize the complexity and contradictions of control struggles in couples and, uniquely, how to clinically treat these issues to create a harmonious, long relationship. Integrating conflict theory, psychodynamic systems work, and the basic principles of sex therapy, the book aims to help professionals recognize and assess control struggles in couples, detect and examine their origin, and offer techniques to help break the struggle and alleviate its associated symptoms. Chapters begin by defining control and where the origin of control comes from before exploring how these origins and other sociocultural factors impact how we choose our partners. The book’s second half examines how clinicians should assess and treat couples with both sexual and nonsexual symptoms, how to avoid being caught in the control crossfire as a therapist, and how to terminate sessions and prevent relapses.
Filled with case studies and useful interventions throughout, this book aims to help clinicians working with all couples across cultures and sexual orientations find a common ground. It is indispensable for training and graduate clinicians that work with couples, especially couples with sexual disorders.
Unmet Expectations in Couple and Sex Therapy
Stephen J. Betchen illuminates unmet expectations as one of the leading causes of relationship problems, offering an integrative, systemic, and conflict-oriented treatment model that will help both therapists and couples develop happier and more realistic relationships. This clinical guide helps therapists provide couples with the ability to recognize the origin of their expectations and when their expectations might be realistically or unrealistically too high or low. It defines and demonstrates the complexity of what met or unmet expectations are, identifying common symptoms as anger, incessant bickering, anxiety, disappointment, disillusionment, and sadness. Chapters outline how to determine the origin and impact of unmet expectations before discussing how and why we choose our partners that do or do not meet our needs. Addressing sociocultural factors in depth, Betchen provides tools to assess and treat both sexual and non-sexual symptoms and includes a chapter on how to manage the issue of when a therapist doesn’t meet the expectations of their clients.
The book is invaluable for therapists who work with couples as well as trainees and supervisors in couple, family, and sex therapy graduate and post-graduate programs.
Commitment in Couples Therapy
Commitment in Couples Therapy offers a comprehensive clinical guide to help those who work with couples determine the authenticity of a couple’s commitment, and to guide their decision on whether the relationship is worth salvaging. The purpose of this book is to focus on those couples who have joined for reasons that pose a significant chance of relational failure. This specific dyad entails one seemingly “committed” partner and one apparently “less committed” partner, both of whom may be conscious or unconscious about their sabotaging behavior in the relationship. Betchen offers a clinical model to treat the commitment issue and help the couple’s therapist skillfully uncover each partner’s conflict with commitment, determine the couple’s true relational status, and determine how to re-contract the relationship on more authentic grounds. Chapters provide coverage of the unconscious match process, the sociocultural, transactional, familial, and psychological factors behind commitment, and countertransference, with case studies throughout. Finally, this book offers critical assessment and treatment strategies for therapists to implement in their practice.
This book is an essential read for mental health clinicians of all levels, and a valuable resource for graduate students in marriage and family therapy programs.
Master Conflict Therapy
Illustrated with case studies, this book teaches couples and sex therapists the comprehensive, integrative treatment approach of master conflict therapy (MCT), which combines psychoanalytic conflict theory and Bowen Theory with the basic principles and practice of sex therapy. MCT suggests that each partner has an internal conflict born out of their experiences from their respective families of origin. Partners then choose one another based on these conflicts, and it is only when they are out of balance that the couple experiences symptoms. The authors help clinicians treat couples through providing them with a solid theoretical foundation, a practical assessment procedure, and highly effective treatment techniques to re-balance a couple and, in turn, alleviate their sexual symptoms.
Magnetic Partners
Do you and your partner argue about the same things over and over again? Are you often confused about why your partner is so angry with you? Are things getting worse and worse even though you’ve tried everything you can think of to make them better? In this breakthrough guide to repairing romantic relationships, therapist and marriage researcher Dr. Stephen Betchen presents a powerful new explanation of what leads to this kind of escalating conflict in couples and how you can repair your relationship and find a whole new level of happiness. Based on his extensive experience as a couples’ therapist, Dr. Betchen has discovered that the prevailing idea that opposites attract is wrong. Instead, one of the strongest forces that attracts people to one another is that they share a hidden, inner conflict in their lives—an unconscious struggle within themselves that each of them developed growing up—which he calls a "master conflict."
Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates
When two people form a relationship or marry, they begin to move towards one another with the expectation of closeness. The emotionality or intensity that accompanies this process, however, may result in fusion followed by a desperate need for space or distance. Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates is the first book to deal exclusively with the pursuer-distancer interaction, and to focus significant attention on the emerging male pursuer-female distancer dynamic. This book revisits Fogarty's work, traces the concept over time and across different professional fields, and discusses in detail the concepts correlation with gender issues and social change. A detailed, step-by-step model of treatment to aid in de-escalating this potentially problematic style is also offered. The model in and of itself is unique because it integrates psychoanalytic conflict theory and psychodynamic systems theory into one treatment approach. This book is intended to offer the therapist a model for understanding and effectively discussing this dynamic, while at the same time allowing couples to read and explore it on their own.
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