THE BLOG

Couple therapists would agree that struggles over money can lead to serious relationship difficulties, even divorce. The most common dynamic I have experienced in my clinical practice is when a saver is in a relationship with or married to a spender. The saver appears financially frugal or, in extreme cases, cheap, and the spender is financially freewheeling or, in extreme cases, out-of-control.

People are marrying later in life, and marriage rates are declining. However, divorce rates remain formidable. This is because while postponing marriage can help some mature emotionally or establish themselves financially, it does not necessarily safeguard against choosing an inappropriate person. Contrary to popular opinion, this job is primarily left to our unconscious to get right.

Fry and Parker (2021) of the Pew Research Center reported that in 2021, 38 percent of adults were found to be unpartnered, as compared to 29 percent in 1990—statistics driven predominately by a decline in marriage. Indeed, over the past 50 years, the marriage rate has dropped by approximately 60 percent (Pandey, 2023). In 2021, 47.35 million men were never married, as compared to 41.81 million women (Duffin, 2022). And according to data from the Institute for Family Studies,

Most therapists do not treat couples when one partner is secretly having an extramarital affair. However, when the cheating spouse solicits individual therapy, many clinicians—particularly those trained in couple’s work—lean towards saving the primary relationship. They might deny this, but some of the brave souls I have spoken to admit they consider themselves successful if they help rescue a marriage. And while that is a noble objective, it may also be one of the reasons cl